Hey! dont beat yourself up. Everything we do is just whatever is most popularly expected, basically. Real winners in life find a way around that. Or, rather, find a way to have a happy life via any means - if you can find happiness in the 9-5 grind, more power to you.
The meaning of life is just the pursuit of happiness. It's not a big question. I think most people come to that same conclusion over the course of their lives, too. Just do whatever makes you feel good about yourself.
There have been experiments done where old people are treated like they're senile and unable to take care of themselves. What they found out was that when old people were treated like they were too old and dumb to take care of themselves they started acting that way. They would get lost easily in their own home and such. This is because of the way the ego works. Once you start to believe your are stereotype yourself or think you know yourself then you become that person. Once you realize this then you can control you ego and become any type of person you wish. You start to realize you have unlimited potential and your only limits are the ones you create.
Conversely, you are in the situation you are in life because you choose to be there. You chose to be there because it's what you've always wanted. Even if you were not consciously aware of the choices or their consequences your subconscious was aware of them. You are exactly where you want to be in life and are doing exactly what you want to be doing.
And don't forget: Courage Wolf is always here for you.